


Losing light

by Little dreamer (littlebrightdreamer)



Series: Losing light [1]
Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Camper daniel au, Emotional Manipulation, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-07 03:39:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11615103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebrightdreamer/pseuds/Little%20dreamer
Summary: "You can’t save anyone. All you can ever hope to do is make it easier. And that may not seem like a lot, but it is."It's been a year since Jasper died.David lost his best friend and it happened right before his eyes. The whole camp grieves, but David is the one who is stuck with his grief alone. In his second year at camp he meets Daniel, a slightly odd new camper that he quickly befriends.Although an odd pair Daniel and David become friends and deal with the perils of being a kid, but much like life, things can take turns.(Listen to a story music mix! - https://8tracks.com/where-theres-a-flame/losing-light )





	1. Friendship Bracelets

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Camper Daniel AU](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/310713) by Doritofalls. 



> Oh boy this story is one hell of a journey! This is based off of Doritofalls's camper Daniel AU! I have to thank them for thinking of such an amazing idea and letting me write for it! Please be wary that this does deal with self harm and other major topics! 
> 
> Please give me any feedback or critiques you have! Your comments keep me writing < 3
> 
> (Listen to a story music mix! - https://8tracks.com/where-theres-a-flame/losing-light )

Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ 1 - ｆｒｉｅｎｄｓｈｉｐ ｂｒａｃｅｌｅｔｓ

“Alrighty kids! Our first ever activity this summer is going to be making friendship bracelets! I want everyone to make one and give it to someone you want to befriend! Make sure it’s someone you don’t know. We want you to make even more new friends here at Camp Campbell!” Darla, the bubbly and energetic camp counselor, said over the chatter of campers. Large piles of brightly colored strings were sprawled out on the big mess hall table in front of her. They were all in neatly organized piles just waiting to be destroyed. 

David watched as a wave of kids swarmed the table picking out the special colors they wanted. He waited for the crowd to thin out before making his way over and picking a few pieces for himself. Looking out at the other tables filled with campers he recognized almost all of them from last year. Some new faces were in the crowd but they already seemed pretty well adjusted to the chaos that came with activities.

After a bit of searching he found a quiet table in the back and started working on his bracelet. David loved making friendship bracelets and his wrist was always covered with them. He liked keeping them handy because he never knew when he would run into a new friend. A lot of them were also tied to good memories he had in the past. The bracelet he was currently working on was a purple and gold one, but he still had no idea who to give it to.

Searching the other tables once more he tried to find someone he could give it to. Unable to decide on who he figured he would finish his bracelet and decide from there. Some of the campers had already finished and swapped with their new buddies before the camp counselors had even said the next step in their first day activities. 

“Ok campers! Finish up your bracelets and find someone to swap with! Once you’ve found someone stand at the front of the mess hall with them and we will announce our next activity!” Darla said with her normal bubbly attitude. Her and Gregg where now looking at their clipboards and hastily arranging the next activity on their own. It was kinda odd not seeing Cameron Campbell, the founder of the camp, here helping like he normally did. 

Just as David was getting up to find someone a new kid awkwardly waved at him. 

“Uh hi! D-do you want to be my partner?” The new camper said, obviously nervous. 

David grinned and nodded, “Sure!” The two of them swapped bracelets and he slipped on his. Looking at the new kid he noticed he wasn’t putting his on. “Are you going to put it on?”

“I can’t wear any kind of jewelry...It's a religion thing…” The new kid said rather meekly. 

Not wanting things to be awkward he tried to be as friendly as possible so he wouldn’t be as nervous. He reached his hand out for a handshake, “That’s ok! I’m David by the way! Most people call me Davey though.” 

“Hi Davey! My names Daniel.” Daniel said and shook his hand.“This is my first year here.” He fiddled with the bracelet in his hand as he talked. “It’s also my first time at a summer camp really.”

“I think you’ll really like it. That is if you like waking up really early and doing lots of stuff that is.” David said with a chuckle. Getting up early was a bit of a pain, but it was nice to get away from things sometimes. Coming out here always made him appreciate the outdoors and how good it was for a change of pace. Since he just met Daniel and didn’t know much about him their conversation died pretty quickly. Just before things grew awkward again the camp counselors spoke up.

“Now that you have a partner I want everyone to grabbed a list up on the table! You and your partner are going to be going on a scavenger hunt and whoever can find everything the fastest will get extra dessert for a week!” Gregg announced before getting quickly drowned out by the excitement of the campers. 

Almost all of the campers had hastily grabbed a sack and a list and rushed out to try and find the items hidden about, but a few teams stayed behind to read over the list.

Daniel grabbed a sack and looked confused, “What’s a scavenger hunt?”

“Wait you don’t know what a scavenger hunt is?” David asked confused and baffled by his question. 

Daniel shook his head, “No. I’ve never done one before and I haven’t heard of them either.”

David paused wondering how to explain it in a way that would make sense. “Hmmm, you know on Easter how you collect plastic eggs?”

“W-wait eggs? Why do you collect eggs? Are we collecting eggs?” Daniel asked looking genuinely baffled. 

Ok, maybe Easter wasn’t the best example. David tried to think of a better way of explaining it. “Ok so forget the eggs. The list has clues on where to find the items we need. We need to try and figure out where the clues are leading us so we can find the items and win the game. Does that make sense?” 

Daniel nodded and looked at the list once more, “These are...Really confusing.”

“Here let me see.” David asked and looked over the clues, “A joke without J…” What was a joke without J? He could think of plenty of jokes that didn’t include the letter J in it, but not of them held any locations or clues for their first item. “A joke without J….So oke? Oke. Wait, oak! The first item is in the hollow oak tree by the lake!”

The two of them quickly ran off towards the lake in hopes that they would find their first clue. Grinning, David went straight for the tree knowing exactly where it was. When the two of them got there they noticed the normally hollow hole of the tree now was filled with cute little stuffed animal platypus’s. 

“Ugh I can’t reach them.” David said with a huff. Curse his little legs. Looking around he found a large stick and tried to poke the stuffed animal out of the tree. No luck. “C’mon just come down!”

Daniel gave it an effort to get it down, but was also too short to get it. “Maybe you could sit on my shoulder? I think we can get it then.” 

David grinned, “That’s a fantastic Idea!”

Rather clumsily David perched himself on Daniels shoulders and held onto his head slightly so he was stable. Slowly he reached up and finally got the blasted stuffed animal that was hidden in the hollow tree. He raised his arms in triumph to celebrate their first item, but caused the two of them to be unstable and they toppled over. Once the pain subsided they busted out laughing.

“Great job Davey! You might want to wait a little bit before celebrating next time though!” Daniel said through his laughter. 

“Oh shut up! At least I got the stuffed animal!” David said throwing it at him. “Although you were the one to think of getting on someone's shoulders.”

“True,” Daniel said laughing and pulling out the list, “but you were the one to figure out the clue.” 

David looked at the next clue and read it out loud, “I have teeth, but no jaw.”

“Teeth but no jaw?” Daniel said looking around hoping there would be some kind of hint to help them. “I’ve got nothing.”

“I’ve got nothing either.” David said with a sigh. “Well why don’t we walk around and see if we can find any other teams? I bet if we find a group of them they’ll be by another item! That and knowing the counselors the items will be pretty easy to spot if we just keep walking around.”

The two of them walked around the woods and the mess hall, but still found no other items on their list. There were only 3 other items on the list, but the two of them couldn’t figure out what any of them were hinting out. After a while of walking they ran into another team who seemed to be on their last item.

“Hey! How many items do you guys have? We just need the last one…” One them said showing us their list of checked off items. 

“We’ve only gotten one so far….Mind giving us a hand?” David asked hoping they could get some kind of direction to head towards.

“Only one? Well one of them is on the doc by the lake. You can’t miss it!” They said before rushing off to find the last item. 

David started running towards the doc and motioned Daniel to join him. Once they got there they noticed a pile of books in a basket. Picking one up he noticed it was one of his favorite books, The Little Prince. “I haven’t read this in so long! I use to love this book.”

Daniel looked at the cover of the book. “The cover looks cool. I haven’t read it before. Or many book actually…”

“Wait you haven't read it yet?! It's a classic! You’ve got to read it ASAP!” David said baffled by the new discovery.

“ I-I don’t know. All the books I read had to go through my parents first or were written by someone in our religion group. I only really got to read the books our preacher gave me.” Daniel said still staring at the book.

David frowned not knowing what he would have done with most of his time if he didn’t have books. Whatever religious group Daniel belonged to it seemed really confusing to him. Part of him wanted to ask about it, but seeing as they just met he decided to steer away from it. “That sucks. You should really try reading though! Maybe after dinner tonight you can come into my tent and read part of it with me!”

Daniel paused seeming a bit hesitant at first. “I-I’m not sure.” There was another pause before he smiled, “Actually, yeah! I would love to!” 

Grinning, David gave him a high five as a way to make their afternoon plans official. After all, why keep anyone away from such a good book? Putting the book in the sack along with the platypus plushie the two of them looked back at the list. 

“I’m pretty sure there's going to be a team that's already finished by now. Why don’t we head back to camp and see if everyone else is there?” David asked looking around to see if there were any other teams looking for items like them. 

The sun was starting to set and by the time they got to camp all the teams had already gathered there. The camp counselors stood in front of a large unlit fire pit and were looking at their clipboards. David and Daniel sat down at one of the tree trunks that served as seats along with the other campers. 

“Campers settle down! Now that the scavenger hunt is over I’m happy to announce that after dinner tonight we will have a big fire and have s’mores to celebrate the beginning of camp!” Darla said grinning from ear to ear. “Now go get washed up for dinner!”

 

After the s’mores and dinner the two of them went into David's tent. Grabbed the book they had gotten early he made himself comfortable on the floor with all of his blankets and pillows. Daniel did the same and seemed extremely eager to read the book. Grinning at his friend's enthusiasm he quickly opened the book and grabbed a flashlight so they could see in the now dark tent. 

A few hours passed and David was starting to get tired. Yawning he looked over at Daniel who still seemed awake as ever and completely engrossed in the book. Not wanting to disturb him he tried to stay awake a bit longer. He moved to where he was laying on his stomach and rested his head on top of his arm. The flashlight was tucked between his arms and his cheek so it would still illuminate the book for Daniel. Not long after he started dozing in and out of sleep causing the flashlight to move about.

“Davey I can’t see!” Daniel whined before he noticed how tried David was. Turning to him he poked his side to make sure he was still awake.

David instantly reacted by shielding his sides with his arms, “Noooo don’t poke my sides!”

“What? Is someone ticklish?” Daniel asked already knowing the answer to his question. Before David could respond he began tickling his sides making him squirm and laugh. 

David retaliated by hitting him with a pillow and sat up. “I’m not going down that easily!”

Daniel grabbed a pillow of his own and the started smacking one another. Hearing someone outside they froze hoping it wasn’t one of the counselors coming to scold them for being loud. Luckily it wasn’t and the two of them busted out laughing. 

After their vicious pillow and tickle fight the two of them were feeling extremely tired. Being too tired to move they ended up curling up into the scattered blankets the best they could. Daniel slept besides him using a bunch of wadded up blankets as a pillow and sleeping halfway on top of the book not caring enough to move it. 

Something in David knew this was going to be a good summer.


	2. Swimming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David and Daniel slowly start learning more about one another, including some of the things they struggle with. The two of them help each other and become closer friends in the process.

Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ 2 - Ｓｗｉｍｍｉｎｇ

The surface of Lake Lilac was calm and there was a pale orange glaze over the top from the setting sun. The only thing that disturbed the lake's surface was the occasional rock skipping over its surface. David was trying to see how many skips he could get in as well as fend off mosquitoes from landing on him. Daniel was also giving an attempt at skipping stones, but was honestly failing miserably. 

“Try throwing it flatter.” David said still trying to swat away bugs. 

Daniel threw another one out which made the water erupt in a failing plunk. “That’s what i’ve been trying!” 

As funny as it was to watch Daniel throwing stones in the water in his attempt to skip them he noticed that his friend was getting frustrated. Walking over to him he picked up a bigger rock and threw it in. It made a massive splash and ended up spraying the two of them slightly.

“Forget skipping rocks, let’s see who can make a bigger splash!” David said and picked up another big rock and waited for Daniel so their competition to begin.

Daniel grinned and joined him. Picking out a big rocked he tried to pick it up and managed to with extreme difficulty. He slowly waddled over to the water's edge and got ready to throw it in. “Whoever wins gets the other's dessert!” He threw it in before David could protest and covered the two of them in water. 

David’s made a plop compared to Daniels behemoth rock and easily lost. “Aw hey! That’s no fair!”

“You’re just saying that because you lost!” Daniel teased and stuck out his tongue. 

David rolled his eyes and huffed, “Whatever I let you win.” He looked out at the lake again and watched the water ripple gently. Judging by the sun they still had a bit of time before they would have to pack it up for the night. “We still have some time I think before we have to head back. What do you want to do now?”

Daniel looked around seeing if he could think of anything to do. “Why don’t we go swimming for a bit?”

“Wait, can you swim?”

“Well, kinda. My ma taught me when I was really little once. It’s not really swimming as much as its...flailing?” Daniel said dipping his foot in the cold lake water.

David shrugged, “Flailing works.” 

Daniel walked to the end of the doc and braced himself as he jumped it. Looking by him he noticed that David didn’t join him. “Aren’t you coming in?”

Making his way slowly to the end of the doc David looked down into the water before taking a step back. “I-I don’t think so. I think i’m just going to sit on the doc actually.” Sitting down he dangled his legs over the edge and let the tip of his toes glide over the surface. He felt his stomach swarm with anxiety about swimming in water again. He could if he really needed to, but the last time he did he got so stressed out that he got sick afterwards. Normally it was something he could get away with, but knowing Daniel he might not be able to get away with it. 

“But it's no fun unless you swimming with me!” Daniel said and frowned. He grabbed onto his foot and tugged him into the water.

David flailed and coughed as he fell in. He panicked not being able to feel the doc or anything solid. Finally he was able to calm down a bit and felt the bottom of the lake under his toes. He was still coughing from some of the water that made it into his mouth and it felt like any second the ground would give out underneath him.

“Geez you look like a fish out of water!” Daniel said laughing. 

Now annoyed David splashed him with water, “It’s not funny!”

Daniel frowned instantly feeling bad. “I-I’m sorry Davey.” Grabbing his hand he helped David out of the water to try and make up for pulling him in. “Why don’t we go and get dessert?” 

David nodded slightly feeling much better after getting on the shore. He felt bad for freaking out on him and tried to think of a way to make up for it. “Yeah. Sorry about being weird about swimming. I- just- I don’t know….Water kinda freaks me out.” 

 

After a while the two of them headed into David’s tent. Daniel plopped himself down on a pile of pillows and shortly after started making a pillow fort. Not wanting to be left out David joined him and helped expand it to where it took up most of the tent. He set up the flashlight where it would illuminate most of the fort without having to be held and wrapped up in a blanket. 

Daniel had started staying in David’s tent most nights. The nights were normally filled with reading whatever books David had packed with him or talking about anything or everything. They even had a fairly heated debate on what dessert was best one night. There was something about Daniel’s company that made him feel better and more at ease. It was to the point he was starting to look forward to their night time shenanigans more than the actual camp activities. It was just really nice being able to talk about things freely without having to worry really about what he was saying.

“What will it be tonight Danny? Do you want to read another book?” David asked pulling out his collection of books. Daniel had been reading so much he was now on the last book he had brought with him.

“Well...Maybe we can talk about random stuff again?” Daniel said flipping through the last book David had. 

David grabbed a spare pillow and laid on his stomach so he would be comfier. “Ok! Quick, name something you like!”

“S-space!” Daniel sputtered out getting caught of guard by David’s question. 

“Wait really? Space is your favorite? How come?” David asked now curious.

“I really like space a lot. It also scares me a bit though. It’s just so big and Lonely looking…” Daniel looked up at the stars through the mesh top of the tent. “My dad's the one who leads our church and he talked a lot about space. He also talks about the light and ascension a lot.”

David looked up at the stars with Daniel now growing curious. Daniel had only briefly mentioned things about his religion and he had always wanted to ask, but knew it was probably better not to. He always liked hearing people talk and tell stories. It was always really nice having these late night conversations with Daniel. “What does your dad think about space and uh, the ‘light’?” 

“Well he always said how the people who know the light don’t need to worry or think about it because their safe. Everyone really looks up to my dad. They all expect me to lead when he’s gone, but.” Daniel took a shaky breath and looked down. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Can’t you just say you don’t want to lead? I know it’s your dad and all, but you should get some say in it.” David said hoping he could be of some help for his friend. Neither of his parents were really around much so he wasn’t sure if he was really the best one to get advice from.

Daniel shook his head, “No. I don’t have any other siblings who can take over and I don’t think I really have much say on whether I can say no or not. I wasn’t even his first choice. My cousin was originally going to lead because he's older than me and dedicates all his time to our church. That changed when my Aunt decided she had enough and pulled him from the church saying we were brainwashing him. So my family stopped talking to them and I became the one to take over…..” Taking a deep breath he laid on his back and looked at the stars again. “I don’t want to lead. I-I’m scared of having people depend on me. What if i'm not good enough? W-” Daniel stopped and his breathing became a bit quicker.

Getting worried David rested his hand on Daniel's shoulder, “I-I’m sure you're going to do great Danny! Your a really amazing person and who knows! Maybe someone else in your church will end up taking over!”

“I-I shouldn’t be worrying so much. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. D-davey what if i’m not good enough? I-I-I can’t lead them. I can’t. I’m so scared. E-e-even our preacher said I wasn’t fit for it when my dad wasn’t around. H-h-he told me even my dad thought so. D-davey want am I going to do? I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to. I don’t….” Daniel’s words started to slur together and tears started to roll down his cheeks. He was shaking and was trying to wipe his tears away the best he could.

David tried to help him the best way he could, but he had no idea what to say or do. His mind was starting to over think and just made him more useless. Not knowing what else to do David pulled him into a hug hopping he could at least help his friend in some way. Daniel hugged him back and cried into his shoulder as he tried to calm down. 

Seeing his friend so overwhelmed and scared made David feel terrible. It was his fault for getting into the topic and it was his fault for being so useless at helping him calm down. 

It took a while but Daniel finally calmed down after a bit. He wiped the last of his tears and sniffled. “I’m sorry Davey. I-I shouldn’t have told you all that.”

David gave him a reassuring smile, “Don’t be sorry! It’s ok! You shouldn’t have to be alone with that sort of thing. I’m always her though ok? You don’t have to deal with everything on your own.”

“R-really? Do you mean that?” Daniel asked still wiping a few remaining tears. 

David nodded, “Of course I mean it.” He wrapped his pinkie around Daniels. “I pinkie promise.”

Daniel smiled slightly, but looked slightly confused. “Whats a pinkie promise?”

“It’s a promise, but it's like your swearing on it? Kinda like you made a blood pact with a demon you can’t break, but less demon-y.” David said knowing his joke would lighten the mood. 

Daniel laughed and pulled David into a hug. “Thank you Davey.” 

David closed his eyes and smiled as he felt the warmth of his friend. Being with Daniel made him feel comfortable and safe even. He missed that feeling. Maybe he finally found someone like Jasper. Someone he felt safe with. Maybe this was the beginning of something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 2! Thank you guys for continuing to read on! If you guys have any critiques i'm more than glad to hear them and I hope I can keep making a good story to read for such an amazing AU!


	3. Drown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A friendly competition goes wrong and it's up to David to try and fix his mess.

Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ 3 - Ｄｒｏｗｎ

_2 years ago_

 

The best part of camp in David’s opinion was the free time between morning and afternoon activities. It was then that he and Jasper went out to either swim or mess around in the camp. Jasper was the best person he could think of to take along on his adventures. The two of them were almost inseparable. 

Although David was very friendly he never really had any close friends, but that changed when he met Jasper. They quickly became close friends during the first week of camp and spent all their time together after that. It was rare for him to find someone he could get close to and Jasper had done it so fast.

The two of them were swimming during some of the free time and he got an idea. He looked over at Spooky Island and thought of a competition. “Hey! I bet I can beat you in a swim race to Spooky Island!”

“Your on! Let’s start at the edge of the doc!” Jasper said before quickly running to the doc to get ready. 

David quickly ran after him and tried to get as far on the edge as he could. “OK! 3, 2, 1, GO!” 

Jasper and David jumped into the water with a large splash and started the long swim to Spooky Island. 

David got about a 4th of the way there and was already getting really tired. He looked behind him and saw Jasper was still behind him by a good chunk. Luckily he was a pretty strong swimmer and Jasper was….Well he tried his best. 

He kept pushing himself onward despite his limbs growing tired. Doubts started to enter his mind, but he didn’t feel like they were in danger. It was just a friendly swimming competition so how bad could things get? Sure, Spooky Island was a bit far to swim to, but it couldn’t be impossible right?

“D-Davey? I Don’t know how much farther I can go!” Jasper shouted in hopes David would hear despite the distance between them. 

David stopped and looked at the distance between them and the island. It was still pretty far away and the shore of the lake was pretty far too. His anxiety started to ebb at him as the doubts from earlier started to come back and louder. What if they couldn’t make it? He was starting to realize more and more at just how tired his arms and legs were becoming 

Although David was starting to panic he tried to make himself sound confident. “Don’t worry! We're almost there! Keep going Jasper!”

He waited a minute so the gap between him and Jasper wasn’t as big and kept going. Everything was feeling much heavier and the coldness of the water was becoming more apparent. His anxiety felt like a rock in his stomach and it grew worse when he realized that it was getting late. The sun was getting ready to dip down and he didn’t even think about how they would get back if they had reached it. 

The Island was getting closer but their progress started to slow down to a crawl. His arms and legs felt like cement blocks and more fear started to make its way into his mind. 

“Davey I c-can’t do anymore!” Jasper shouted. The tiredness in his voice was easily heard along with fear. 

David swam next to Jasper making sure that they were side by side. “C-Come on we’re almost there. I know y-you can do it.”

By now they were making almost no progress and had to spend all their energy just keeping their heads above the water. David was able to stay above the water fairly easily, but Jasper was coughing and starting to struggle. 

This was all his stupid fault. It was his stupid plan to go swimming and make it competitive. They were going to die out here.  _ Holy shit, they were going to die out here.  _ It was going to be all his fault that both Jasper and him were going to  _ drown.  _ His throat burned as he tried to hold back tears and think of a plan to get them out of this mess. It was much to far to get back to the shore, but Spooky Island was still a good bit away. It was possible he could get there, but he was more worried about Jasper. 

Maybe someone would see them and rescue them? Maybe they were on their way right now? Or maybe they were going to drown it it would be all his fault. He was going to get himself and his best friend killed. 

Jasper was now starting to struggle even more. His head was starting to bob under the water fully. David was also having more trouble staying afloat, but he knew he had to do something. 

“Grab onto the back of my shirt. I-I’m going to try and get us to the island. H-Hang in there ok?” David said despite the tears that were now rolling down his cheek. After he felt  Jasper grab ahold of him he tried with all his might to swim forward. They were still so far away. He coughed as the lake water filled his nose and mouth. He gasped for air still hoping that they could survive. 

The grip on the back of his shirt loosened and when he looked back he saw Jasper sinking. Terrified he swam down and pulled him back up before he sank to far. His muscles were screaming at him, but he knew he couldn’t stop. The shore was getting closer and he knew he needed just a little more strength. 

Remembering what the counselors said he got behind Jasper and wrapped his arms around his middle to keep him from drowning. The added weight made things even harder. His friend was now unconscious and David’s hope was dwindling. He kept an eye on Jasper the best he could while still trying to move forward.

More of the water was filling his nose and getting air was starting to become even harder. He refused to let go of Jasper and forced himself to keep going even though his body screamed at him to stop.

A surge of hope washed over him as he felt solid ground under his feet finally. Quickly getting his footing he pulled himself on land as wall as Jasper. David gasped for air finally letting his lungs get a rest. Quickly he looked over at Jasper hoping he was alright. His heart dropped when he realized he wasn’t moving. Scrambling over to him he tried to see if he could hear his heartbeat or see him breathing.  _ No. This isn’t happening.  _

David started trying to CPR the best he could, but he knew very little on how to. More tears welled up as he tried and he tried, but nothing was working. The growing realization that his friend was gone was starting to hit him. He trembled from the cold of the air and felt his salty tears on his lips. This was all his fault. Jasper was dead. His best friend was  _ dead. _

The seriousness of the situation hit him like a wall. He couldn’t stop crying and shaking. He looked at Jasper knowing this was the last time he would ever see him. He felt like he was going to throw up. He wrapped his arms around his body and pulled him close. He couldn't help himself from bawling into his friend's shoulder. He was losing the one person he truly cared for.

The grief slowly faded into a numbness. It was like everything had just. Stopped. The crushing sadness was now just nothing. He slowly laid Jasper on his back and watch for a moment. He sniffled and wiped his tears and his nose knowing crying wouldn't bring him back. He moved both of Jasper's hands so they would rest peacefully on his chest. Pausing he gently grabbed one of his hands and entwined his fingers with Jaspers.

__  
  
  
  


Everything was numb and froze by the time the sun finally vanished leaving nothing but darkness. The dim lights of the camp were barely visible, but there was no sign of a boat or anyone coming for him. It was becoming hard to stay awake and the fear of having the same fate as his friend was creeping into his mind. He was still next to Jasper still in disbelief that his friend was gone. 

Just as he felt himself drift off he heard a familiar voice.

“Jasper! Davey!” 

He looked out on the lake and saw a boat heading towards the island. Both Gregg and Darla looked around worriedly in search for the two missing campers. He slowly got up with the last bit of energy he had and called out. “Help! I’m over here!”

The boat finally reached where he was at and Darla came rushing out to get him. She wrapped him up in a towel that they had brought. He felt things become fuzzy and dizzy again before he blacked out. 

__  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another angsty chapter finally! i was hoping to get this out sooner but i wasn't doing very well these past few days. this is a bit shorter too, but the next chapter is already done and it will be out in a few days!


	4. Crimson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel finds out something David has been hiding. David deals with everything in a destructive coping manner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up this chapter deal with self harm stuff and a depiction of it! Please read with caution. I tried to write for it the best I could since I deal with similar stuff, but im not sure how it turned out. Anyway, enjoy!

_ Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ 4  - Ｃｒｉｍｓｏｎ  _

 

“Davey? Daaavey?”

 

David slowly uncurled himself from his sleeping bag and looked at Daniel who was next to him. He made some sort of noise to signal that he heard him, but didn’t get up. The early morning sunlight and the bitter cold of the air wasn’t very appealing to him this morning. His body felt too heavy to move. It was almost as if someone had strapped giant cinder blocks to his feet to slow his movements. 

 

“Davey get up! You’ve already missed breakfast and were about to start our morning activity!” Daniel whined, shaking him in a futile effort to get him up.

 

David swatted his hand away and rolled to the opposite side. Normally he loved the activities they did, but today it just sounded more tiring to him. Daniel continued to poke and shove him to get him up which only made him annoyed. “Go away!”

 

There was a long pause until he heard Daniel shuffle out of his tent. He could hear some of the camps idle chatter through his tent which was comforting to him. Part of him wanted to get up and jump into the activity, but he just stayed in bed watching the shadows of tree branches dance across the thin fabric of his tent. 

Time moved painfully slowly and all he could hope for was the day to end. It wasn’t until much later that daniel entered his tent again.

 

“Davey you should eat here soon. Dinner is going to be served in a few and I don’t think you’d want to be stuck with the gross leftovers.” Daniel said and paused. “I told Darla you didn’t want to get up and she told me to give you time….” He left another long awkward pause. “I’ll be in our hide-out if you want to join me ok?”

 

Once he heard him leave he closed his eyes and sighed. David managed to push himself out of bed and lazily pulled on his clothes. He ran his fingers over Jasper's old shirt and felt the already fading lettering of the camp’s name. He smelled the shirt hoping there would still be some sort of trace of him. No luck. A pit formed in his stomach as he thought about all of the adventures he had with him. There was nothing in the world that could replace his best friend.

Tying it around his neck as his signature scarf he finally stepped out of his tent and let the

summer sun wash over him. He winced slightly at the change of brightness but quickly adjusted. 

Making his way into the forest he was stopped briefly by Darla who was carrying a box full of things for the afternoon activity. “Good to see you up and about Davey! You sure you're doing ok buddy? You know if you need anyone to talk to i’m here ok?”

David huffed slightly and only responded with a quick “I’m fine” before he continued his trek into the forest. 

He picked up his pace as he got closer to their hide-out which was an old tree at the end of a clearing in the middle of the forest. The forest surrounded both sides of the camp and made for a great escape from some of the normal noise of the other campers. It was also the same tree that held the first scavanger hunt item they had found on their first day/ He loved this spot and was happy he could share it with Daniel who seemed equally enthusiastic about the place.

Once he got to the tree he climbed to the first branch with ease. Daniel smiled and waved when he saw he had joined him in the tree. The sun was about the setting and covered the forest in a vibrant orange color making it look like it was almost on fire. He loved being out here at this time of day.

Daniel grabbed a bag that was hanging on another tree branch and pulled a sandwich from it. Handing it to him he grabbed another for himself. “I didn’t see you leave the tent all day so I thought I would bring you food just in case you decided coming.” Daniel said taking a big bite out of his peanut butter and honey sandwich. 

David smiled and thanked him before opening up his own sandwich and eating it. “I’m glad we have the hide-out here. I don’t think anyone has found it just yet.”

Taking a deep breath of the fresh forest air he took in the scenery and traced his fingers over the grooves of the tree. He always wanted to go camping as a kid but he never got the chance to so when he heard he would be going to a summer camp last year he was ecstatic. 

“Davey? What are those marks on your arm?” Daniel asked out of the blue. His gaze was fixed on a small part of David’s wrist that wasn’t covered by his abundant amount of bracelets. 

David quickly pulled his arm back and covered his wrist with his other hand. “It’s nothing…” He felt a pit form in his stomach as he thought about his friend finding out about his self harm scars. They were always covered by his friendship bracelets, but occasionally they would reveal his marks. 

“I see a lot of people with those back home at our church. I think my mom and dad explained it to me once when I was really little. An older fellow with lots of similar markings on his arm was close friends with my dad and I asked about them. He said it's something to look for in a person, but I think they look funny.”

Daniel continued on talking, but David’s mind was now elsewhere. All he could stare at was the marks plaguing his wrist. Everytime he saw them all he could think about was Jasper. His throat burned as he fought back tears. Jasper would have blamed himself for the scars. He would have said it was his fault for not comforting him enough. That it was his fault he was gone. 

His record of cutting hadn’t just started after Jasper's death. It had started only a few months prior to his first year at camp. Things were rough at home and that was the start. Now he couldn’t stop. 

His dad had always been absent in his family. He had divorced his mom when he was still pretty little and was never really around after that. David’s mom was the only other person in his family since he didn’t have any other siblings. That put a strain on his mom since she had a very low paying job and no way to watch him. So for the majority of his life he had been alone. His mom never had time to really pay attention to him and he never had the chance to do any after school activities or hang out with his very small group of friends. Since he was never able to hang out even his friends drifted away leaving him even more alone. 

Jasper was the first friend he had made in a long while. He was also the first person to find out about his previous scars and some of the things that happened at home. Jasper was always really caring and listened to him whenever he needed to vent or needed someone he could lean on. 

David had looked up to Jasper so much. He was always really good at the activities that the camp had done and was the first kid everyone would pick to be on their team. As much as he loved Jasper as a friend he knew he was just a bother. Jasper had always reassured him that he was a good friend and not annoying, but he knew he was just making him feel better. It was selfish to want him back. Maybe if they never ended up being friends Jasper would be alive and happy. It was all his fault that he was gone. 

Daniels voice finally pulled him out of his thoughts. Now he was talking about something from the previous day, but he still wasn’t very interested. The one thing that was nice about Daniel was that he would keep talking if David kept quite. 

“What do you think Davey?” Daniel asked. 

 

David paused not knowing how to answer him. He had tuned out what his question was and started to feel a bit guilty for neglecting his friends rant. “Oh uh...I don’t know.”

“Are you doing ok Davey? What’s wrong?” Daniel said frowning. 

“Nothing! Why don’t we go get dessert from the mess hall? I can probably get Darla to swing us some extra dessert too if we hurry.” David said swavely grinning. The one nice thing about the counselors is that they would give him what he wanted pretty easily. At one point he had gotten so many sweets he was sick the rest of the night. It was totally worth it. 

“Wait extra desserts? I think they have blueberry crisp and s'mores tonight! Let’s go!” Daniel said beaming. 

  
  
  
  


The pitch black of David’s tent and the quiet chirp of crickets were the only thing filling the night. David's eyelids were heavy, but sleep wouldn’t take him no matter how hard he tried. Finally he sat up in his sleeping bag and listened to the crickets and the occasional frog. His mind was running through everything from the day and wouldn’t shut up. The scenarios and doubts that were floating in his head were starting to affect him more. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath. His insomnia was starting to become more and more of a habit. It was getting harder and harder to get through the day's activities, let alone even get up in the morning anymore. 

Sighing he ran his fingers over the scars that had accumulated on his wrist. Some of them were scars from the previous year at camp and at home, but more and more were new. Luckily his bracelets had covered them and it raised no questions from either Darla or Gregg. 

He knew the whole camp was still hurting from everything last year. All the campers he had met last year he never got to close to. He had only gotten close to Jasper and after the incident they were all almost sickenly sweet to him. At first their kind words were a bit reassuring, but now it made him feel even worse. Darla and Gregg let him get away with nearly anything and no one seemed to really see past the whole Jasper thing. David was only known as the kid whose best friend died and nothing else. If you were to ask them anything else about him like his favorite color, or his favorite flavour of ice cream they would have had no clue. The more and more he thought about it the more he felt like he was in Jaspers shadow. Thinking that way had made him feel even worse. David's throat tightened as he fought back tears. He dug his nails into his scars as a way to punish himself for thinking that way about his best friend. 

Anxiety started to tug at him making his breathing quicker and shallower. Running his hand over his scars his mind thought back to what Daniel had said when he had saw them. _ “He says it's something to look for in a person, but I think they look funny.”  _ Tears started rolling down his cheeks and his breaths became even quicker.  _ See? Even Danny thinks their ugly. Ugly ugly ugly.  _

Quickly, but quietly, he grabbed his razor that he kept hidden and booked it for the bathrooms. His tears blurred his vision but he knew this path like the back of his hand. Once he got there he found a safe quiet spot and sat down. He closed his eyes and wiped his tears. The anxiety mixed with a sort of numbness. He grabbed his blade and examined it for a moment. He rested the edge of it on his skin but didn’t continue. His hands were shaky, but he made the first mark. After that he continued with more and mentally assigned a reason for each of them. The little light that was seeping into the bathroom made it hard for him to see the marks, but he could still feel a bit of blood seeping out. 

He sat there for a long while not having the energy to get up. His eyes were tired and heavy after crying and his wrist stung. His anxiety subsided leaving only the numbness. Worries about how he could cover these in the future started creeping into the back of his mind, but he was too tired to care about them this time. Finally, he got up and cleaned his cuts with some water and cheap paper towels.

His tired legs managed to get him back to his tent finally. Hiding his razor again he crawled back into his sleeping bag. He was careful not to mess up his fresh cuts and had become a normal habit to him at this point. This was his 4th time this week that it had happened. If only it could bring back Jasper, but that was impossible.


	5. Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David makes a mistake that could jeopardize his friendship with Daniel. Darla comforts David and makes him feel a little less alone.

Ｃｈａｐｔｅｒ 5 - Ｍｉｓｔａｋｅｓ

All the camper were happily gathered near the mess hall eager for the activities for the day. Daniel was next to David and the two of them were trying to guess what they would be doing and playfully betting on what it would be.

Gregg motioned for the kids to quiet down, “Today we will be doing some improv! I need everyone to pick a buddy and that buddy you’re going to be sticking to for part of the activity! When everyone's ready we will meet by the amphitheater!”

“This is going to be so awesome dontcha think Jasper?” David said looking over at Daniel beaming.

“...Who’s Jasper?” Daniel asked looking confused.

David froze realizing his mistake. It felt like someone had just stabbed him in the stomach. Looking around all the other campers stopped in their places and looked at the two of them. He could feel there gazes cutting into him. David looked back at Daniel who was still seemed confused and was also noticing the eerie silence and stares. He swallowed which felt more like trying to swallow a rock and tried to fix his mistake. “Danny. I meant...Danny.”

The awkward silence still plagued the campers besides the occasional hushed whispers of others. He gripped his scarf not having the guts to look over at Daniel. Through the hushed whispers he could make out Jasper’s name. It felt like he couldn’t breath. It felt like everyone was staring at him still and the ground would open up and swallow him at any moment. All he wanted to do was run away and pretend nothing ever happened.

The other campers soon dispersed leaving just the two of them. There was an awkward silence before Daniel spoke up, “Davey? Whose Jasper?”

David was still gripping his scarf and didn’t look at him. “It’s no one….Why don’t we wait by the amphitheater?”

Without a word the two of them went to join with the rest of the camper who were still quieter than normal. The rest of the activity carried on, but David couldn’t shake his anxiety. Daniel wasn’t talking to him very much and he still had the sinking feeling that everyone was staring at him.

Once the partner portion of the activity was over David waited for a good opportunity to slip away. He wandered around aimlessly until he got to the lake. He sat down at the edge of the doc and took a deep breath of the fresh air. Looking down he watched his blurred reflection on the water. He kicked it slightly watching it distort and ripple.

He looked back at the camp and noticed that they were still focused on the morning activity and hadn’t noticed that he was gone. With a heavy sigh he got up and kicked off his shoes. David looked at his reflection once more feeling off from his normal self. There was something about his reflection that felt...wrong almost. Like it wasn’t him.

Picking up a nearby rock he hurled it at his reflection. His shoulders slumped as he realized messing with his reflection wouldn’t help. He then stood at the very edge of the doc and untied the scarf, that was previously Jasper’s old shirt, and set it aside. Closing his eyes once more he jumped into the water. The shock of the cold water hit him like a wall, but he didn’t try to swim. He let the water fill his nose and mouth. His lungs felt like a balloon that was about to pop. The only thing he could really hear was the sound of his heart beat and a slight ringing. In a really fucked up way, it was calming. Hearing his heartbeat made him feel and know that he was still alive.

Finally the need for air was too much and he got to the surface and gasped for air. The water made his eyes sting slightly and it took a moment to readjust to the light. Slowly he made his way back to the shore of the lake. His now wet clothes clung to him and made him feel 10x heavier.

“Davey! Are you ok?!” Darla said as she quickly ran over to him.

David felt his heart drop when he realized he would have to explain to Darla why he jumped in. “I- uh…. Yeah i’m fine.”

“You’re going to catch a cold if you stay in these wet clothes! C’mon let’s get you dried.” Darla said taking him to the counselor's cabin before he could refuse.

David shivered but tried to not make to big of deal of it. He hoped he could brush it past Darla and say he just fell in, but he knew she wouldn’t by it. Darla was always extremely sweet and would do just about anything for the people she cared for or the campers, but she was also very smart. There was always the few occasions the campers would try and pull something, but she always saw right through it. Between her and Gregg the two of them kept the camp orderly.

By the time they got to the cabin Darla made him sit on a old and worn down futon before disappearing into another room. David looked down at his feet worried about what would happen next. He hated lying, but there was no way he was going to say the real reason he jumped in. Honestly, there wasn’t even a reason why he did it. The water just looked….comforting in a odd and messed up way.

Darla returned a few minutes later and handed David a large camp counselor tee, “Why don’t you change out of those wet clothes and i’ll dry them up ok? You can wear this for now and don’t you even think about leaving ok?” She disappeared again, but this time longer than before.

David sighed and peeled off the wet clothes and slipped into the large camp tee. It was almost as big as him and served as shirt and a blanket almost. At least it was dry and warm. He crawled back further onto the futon and made sure that his bracelets were still intact. The last thing he wanted was to explain to Darla both the ‘falling into’ the lake and then why he had marks all over his wrist. Worst of all he didn’t want her to find out and then contact his mom about it. The only person who really knew about his scars other than Jasper was now Daniel.

Darla finally returned with two mugs, a large fluffy blanket and a towel. “Here you are kiddo! Have some cocoa, dry your hair and curl up ok?” She sat down next to him and helped wrap him up in the blanket.

The hot chocolate felt nice and warm and David was already feeling much better. There was silence as the two of them enjoyed their drinks. There was a small hope that Darla would leave why he fell into the lake alone, but that was until-

“Davey? How did you get into the lake with all your clothes on still? And don’t tell me you fell in. I know that's not the case. Don’t think I didn’t see you slip away from the afternoon activity.” Darla asked now looking at David.

David shifted uncomfortably knowing he had to say the truth. But he didn’t. “But I did fall in.”

Darla sighed and put her mug on the table in front of them. “Davey I know you didn’t just fall in. I know...I know you’ve been through alot. You don’t have to deal with things alone though. You always have me and Gregg ok? Now- tell me how you actually got into that lake hmm?”

David sighed and hugged his knees to his chest. He still didn’t meet Darla’s gaze, but he knew he really had to tell the truth now. A familiar pit formed in his stomach as anxiety and fear started to creep into his mind. Taking a deep breath he finally broke the silence, “I honestly don’t know. The water was just kinda….There? And before I knew it I was in the lake.”

Darled wrapped and arm behind his back and pulled him close. “I’m so sorry Davey. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard things are for you. But! You have Daniel now right? He seems like a really good kid and i’m glad you two are friends. I know it probably doesn't mean much coming from me, but your a really strong kid alright? I know it’s hard to not dwell on the past, but it is what it is and you just have to keep going. It’s not easy moving on and grieving will take years and at your age...it’s not easy, but you will meet so many incredible people in your life and do amazing things. Just take things one day at a time and don’t bottle things up ok?”

Hearing Darla’s words made David smile slightly. It kinda felt nice having at least that off his chest and Darla seemed very supporting. He finished the last of his cocoa and was starting to feel much better compared to earlier. Feeling a shift in weight he looked over at Darla who was starting to get up.

Darla got up and gave David a gentle pat on the head, “I’ll be right back ok kiddo?” She left, but returned fairly soon with David’s now dry clothes. “There we go! Nice and dry! Dinner should be served here soon so why don’t you get something to eat ok? And remember, i'm always here for you.” She grinned and ruffled David's hair before heading back outside to meet up with Gregg.

David sighed not really in the mood to eat or see Daniel again. He knew his friend would pester him about Jasper and that was the last thing he wanted. Instead he made a B line to his tent and curled up in his blankets. His stomach growled and moaned for him to eat, but he couldn’t go back there and face everybody.

Before he knew it he had fallen asleep and when he woke up it was starting to get dark. He sat up and rubbed his eyes still feeling groggy. Seeing someone come in his jumped before realizing it was Daniel. There was now an awkward feeling between the two of them and he could already tell what was coming next.

Daniel gave him an awkward smile and wave before he sat down near him in the tent. “I didn’t see you at dinner. That and after the activity this morning either.”

David shrugged and looked down. “I just...wasn’t really hungry.”

“Why won’t you tell me about Jasper?” Daniel said bluntly. He was now looking directly at David and didn’t seem like he was going to give up until he got answers.

“Look I don’t want to talk about it!” David said getting annoyed. Realizing his harshness he calmed down a bit. “If you’re going to keep on pestering me about it you can just go…”

There was a long pause where neither of them said anything or moved. Finally Daniel got up and started to leave, “Fine. Don’t tell me then.”

All David could do was watch Daniel go despite wanting to make him stay. He felt more alone than ever and the last thing he wanted was to fuck it up with the one friend he had. Still stuck in his spot David looked down at his hands. Why am I such a coward? His gaze shifted to the bracelet that Daniel had given to him on the first day at camp. He took it off and ran his thumb over it. Taking off his scarf he rested the bracelet on top of it and set it at the foot of his sleeping bag.

Feeling a wave of exhaustion roll over him he crawled into his sleeping bag and curled up inside. He already knew he would have no luck sleeping so he laid awake and listened to the surrounding noise. The normal late night chatter and reading with Daniel he was now starting to miss. He didn’t want to be alone, not again.


	6. Scarf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a week since Daniel or David has talked until David loses his scarf and starts to panic. David finally tells Daniel what happened and hopefully patches up there friendship

The past week of camp was hell for David. Daniel was now trying to avoid him so the majority of David’s week was sitting alone in his tent or trying to scrape by in activities. He kept going back and forth on whether or not to tell Daniel who Jasper was. Part of him wanted too, but when he decide on doing so he realized how it made him mad at how stubborn Daniel was being. Why was he acting like such a baby just because he wouldn’t tell him?

 

Finally Saturday rolled around and that was the one day the campers had free to do whatever they please for the day. Normally David loved Saturdays, but since Daniel wasn’t really talking to him he ended up just staying in his tent all day.

David skipped breakfast since he wasn’t really hungry and he didn’t really want to deal with anyone. By the time lunch rolled around David realized just how hungry he was becoming. He pushed himself out of bed and went to the mess hall hoping there wouldn’t be much of a line. After getting his food he sat in a far corner and looked around the room to see who was there. Not many people were there today, but he did notice Daniel talking to another camper. The two of them seemed to be hanging out and making bracelets.

 

David’s stomach turned when he saw the two. They were talking like they were best friends. Why was it making him so...annoyed? Daniel caught his gaze for a quick moment before turning right back to the other camper. Was he so easy to replace as a friend?

 

David looked down at his food and began to half mindedly stab at it. No longer feeling hungry he dumped his food and made a B lined for his tent again. Maybe it was good that Daniel was making more friends. Of course he didn’t need just David. Who only has just _one_ friend anyway? He sighed and looked around his tent realizing just how...Lonely he was. Daniel was the only friend he really had.

 

Maybe he _really_ should tell Daniel about Jasper. No- Daniel was just being stubborn. If he was going to act that way then he wasn’t going to go and tell him all these personal things. After all he had seemed to make a new best friend anyway so maybe he didn’t even need David? He really didn’t want to losing his one best friend. What if he finally told Daniel and he got scared and didn’t want to be his friend? At this point who wouldn’t blame him. He was a mess of a person who didn’t really deserve friends.

 

Wrapping up in blankets he blocked out the light and hoped the darkness would swallow him up. Why did he have to say Jasper? Why did he rope his best friend into swimming to Spooky Island? Why was he such a mistake?  

 

Without even realizing it his throat tight in a knot as he held back tears. He uncurled himself from the blankets and took a few deep breaths. He was going to tell Daniel and that was that. His friend deserved an answer. He reached up to his scarf to feel the fabric before realizing it was gone. Anxiety instantly struck him as his mind started to worry about the one and only thing he had left of Jasper. David frantically looked around and threw blankets and pillows everywhere hoping to find Jasper’s old shirt. It was nowhere in his tent which made his growing fears become even worse.

 

Rushing out of his tent he went straight for the mess hall hoping it had maybe fallen off at lunch. He looked around everywhere and asked all the campers that were there if they had seen it. It was still missing and it was becoming obvious to everywhere that he was absolutely freaking out.

 

Darla noticed David's panick and tried to get him to calm down and breath. When she asked what was going on David managed to tell her about the scarf. Darla rubbed his back hoping it would calm him down. “We will find it ok? Just take a deep breath.”

 

When David knew Darla didn’t have it he quickly left despite Darla saying to stay with her. Daniel and the other camper from earlier nearly got toppled over by David as he rushed out of the building.

 

Daniel was just about to get upset before he realized how distressed David was. “Davey are you ok?”

 

David took a step back and held onto the collar of his shirt and gripped where the scarf use to be. He was starting to hyperventilate and when he tried to speak all that came out was a small squeak before tears started pouring down his face. He quickly tried to wipe them away and attempt to tell him what was going on. “I-I-I c-c-cant. M-M-My scarf.”

 

Daniel went to put a hand on David’s shoulder but David flinched away and ran to the doc by the lake. David could feel and hear his heart pounding in his ears. He had to find Jaspers scarf. Everything was blurry from his tears and he was running on pure adrenaline and fear.  

 

David kept trying to wipe his tears so he could look around but it wasn’t working. Growing frustrated he sat down on the dock and tried to stop crying. His breathing came out in ragged coughs and raspy breaths. He was too focused on calming down to notice that Daniel was starting to walk down towards him.

 

“D-davey?” Daniel asked quietly. He reached his hand out to comfort his friend, but retreated hoping not to repeat what happened earlier.

 

David looked up still trying to wipe his tears and calm down. “I-I’m sorry D-danny. I-It’s a-all my fault.” He kept trying to talk but his words quickly became an incoherent mess.

 

“It’s ok. T-take deep breaths ok? It’ll be ok…” Daniel said hoping to reassure his friend. He wasn’t sure what to do in this situation and felt helpless.

 

It took a while, but David finally started to calm down. The two of them sat at the edge of the doc and sat in silence afterwards unsure of what to say next. David looked over at Daniel wanting to say something but stopped himself and looked down at the water again. He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on his knees.

 

“Why is the scarf so important to you? I-If you don’t mind me asking…” Daniel said looking over at David and then at the water.

 

David looked at his reflection in the water. “It was Jaspers….” He didn’t say anything more about it and left an awkward silence between the two of them. Looking over at Daniel he sighed knowing he had to tell him at some point. He took a moment to gain courage before starting. “Jasper...died last year at camp. H-He was my best friend. My only friend really….He’s gone and it’s my fault.” Daniel now met his gaze but he couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He could feel more tears starting to well up again. “I-I thought it would be a good idea to swim to Spooky Island and see who could get there first. It was way too far though and by the time I realized it….It was too late. It’s my fault Jaspers gone. I-”

 

Before he could finish he felt Daniel hug him. David was caught off guard at first, but hugged him back. It felt really...Comforting. He didn’t want to let go. More tears started to roll down his cheeks the more he thought about what happened to Jasper. “I wish I was the one to die instead of him. Isn’t it so selfish to want to die when its my fault he's gone?” He gripped the fabric of Daniels shirt still clinging onto him. “I-i’ve been so alone. I feel so hopeless. W-why am I here when i’m such a mess? I wish it was me. It should have been me.”

 

Slowly he loosened the grip on Daniels shirt before backing away from him so he was sitting on the very edge of the doc. “Y-You shouldn’t have to be friends with someone like me Danny. I’m no good. Y-You're just like Jasper ya know? You’re so much better than me. I-I don’t deserve to be here.” David tried wiping his tears away again before getting up and starting to walk off. Before he got far he felt Daniel grab his wrist. He turned back to face him but jerked his arm back so he would let go. “Just go away!”

 

David ran off and went straight for his tent so he could hide. His stomach knotted and turned as his thoughts started to scream at him. He lost his best friend and now he was pushing the only other friend he had away. Everything was his fault.

 

Diving into his tent he sat down and balled his fists in his shirt collar. Another layer of guilt waved over him as he remembered the scarf was gone. He laid down in a messy pile of blankets and hoped for his thoughts to settle down. Why wasn’t it him?

  
  
  


Afternoon turned into dusk. David slowly woke up feeling tired and groggy from earlier. He could feel dried tears on his cheeks from earlier and had to be reminded about how much of a mess he was just a few hours ago. He rubbed his eyes and noticed something by his tent door. Moving over to it he noticed a note and something yellow. His eyes widened when he realized it was Jasper's old shirt. He picked it up and buried his face in the fabric feeling a rush of ease fall over him.

 

Hr noticed a letter that sat next to where the shirt was and looked it over. He could already tell by the fancy, cursive looking, lettering that it was Daniel.

  
  
(Image: Davey!! It took me a long while but I finally found the shirt! I hope you start feeling better and maybe tomorrow night we can stay up and hang out again? - Daniel)

 

Looking back at the shirt and then to the note he started to remember his meltdown from earlier. Guilt started to ebb at him. Daniel really was a good friend. He must have looked everywhere just to find the shirt. He smiled, happy that he had Daniel as a friend. What could he do to make it up to him?

 

Looking outside he noticed it wasn’t as late as he originally guessed and got out of his tent. He headed to Daniels tent and hoped that he was up. It was just starting to grow dark and was just about the time the two of them would get together normally.

 

“Danny? Are you up?” David asked before moving into the tent. Daniel was sitting in the middle of his tent looking at the bracelet David had made on the first day and an opened letter.

 

Daniel looked up when he heard him come in and smiled, “Hey Davey! How are you doing?”

 

David rubbed his arm awkwardly still feeling bad about earlier. “I’m doing ok. Better now actually. Sorry about….all that earlier. I- uh...T-Thank you for finding my scarf. Really. It means alot.”

“You seemed really upset about so I figured I could try and find it after everything.” Daniel said while putting the letter and the bracelet in his open suit case by the tent door. “D-do you want to hang out for a bit? It's been awhile hasn’t it?”

 

David nodded, “Yeah. I would love to.”

 

The rest of the night went as they normally did. They had talked about who would win in a battle between an octopus and a monkey along with the weirdness of cottage cheese. It was nice to have back that sense of normalcy again and being back with Daniel made David feel better too.

 

Once the two of them got tired they laid down in a sea of blankets and stared at the stars through the mesh top. The night was clear and they could be seen easily in the dark night sky. David looked over at Daniel and grabbed his hand to hold it. Both of them fell asleep still looking at the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Hopefully you enjoyed the chapter and a huge thank you to doritofalls for doing the little note that Danny did!


	7. Suffocate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is all normal to Daniel. He was raised with his beliefs and it's all he has ever really known but, what happens when he starts to question it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long wait. This is a pretty long chapter and it gave me so much hell. Honestly I don't care for how most of this chapter ended up, but it gets some story points across. Sorry if this one seems sloppy or disjointed- I tried. Please not that this chapter deals with some abuse stuff and emotional manipulation.

_2 years ago_

 

Everything was quiet. Everyone had left the church an hour prior but Daniel was still sitting on one of the benches. Light streamed through a circular window high up in the front of the building. 

 

Their church came to be because of his parents- Well, more because of his dad. It was an old, tiny, and rundown extension they added to his house years ago which was converted to become the church. 

 

Only a handful of people every really came, but his father always insisted that he would teach them the truth about ascension and the light. Most of the people who did come were relatives and family friends. 

 

Daniel finally got up and left the church extension and passed through the hall and door that separated his house from the church. He made sure to be quiet just in case his parents were working on something and slipped down the stairs to his room.

 

His room was all white and pretty much barren besides a bed, a desk, and a dresser. The stark appearance of his room matched the rest of house in its lack of color. According to his dad white was the only ‘pure’ color and anything else wasn’t allowed in his room or anywhere in the house. Even his clothes were white and constantly kept clean. 

 

To him though, it was normal. He had grown up with his odd rules and never had any friends his age to tell him they were weird or different. It was normal to have his dad check his room every night to make sure all he had in his room was clothes and blankets. It was also normal to him to have any books that he read approved of by his parents and kept only in their room. The only ‘toy’ he really had, or ever really had, was a white drawing pad and a pencil. 

 

Since it was the only thing he really got to do, Daniel grew to love drawing. He had spent the majority of his life either in the church helping or drawing. His parents home schooled him so he never had any kids to play with or talk to besides his older cousin that came to church occasionally. Even then he was normally to busy to ever really talk. 

 

Whenever he would not want to help in the church or want to attend his mom and dad would threaten to take away his drawing supplies. They knew it was the one thing he loved and used it to get him to do whatever they wanted. He knew from past experiences that it was better to just obey than to try and fight back. At this point he was so scared of what his parents would do if he misbehaved that he was in constant fear he would mess something up.

 

Daniel made his way over to his bed and reached under it and brought out a small tin box. He sat down on the floor and paused making sure there were no footsteps coming towards his room. Even in his room he felt constantly paranoid and like he was being watched by his parents. Once he made sure it was all clear he opened the tin and revealed old photos and polaroids. The only one he truly cared about was one at the very bottom. Digging it out he held an old photo of his mom and someone standing next to her. The person's head was torn off of the picture making it impossible to figure out what they looked like. His mom was young in the picture and had brightly colored clothing and so did the person standing next to her. 

 

The mysterious person in the picture next to his mother was his real dad. Daniel never really got to hear the full story, but from what he could piece together was that he left after he was born. Not long after that his mom met his current dad and he was the one who introduced his mom into the church. And his beliefs

 

Daniel wished he could remember what the picture looked like before it was torn, but he was very young when he saw it in one piece. His mom was going through pictures with him when they came across it. Before he had much of a chance to look at it she snatched it from him.

 

Looking at it she had scoffed and told him that if it wasn’t for him being born that he might have stuck around. Before she had given it back to him she had torn his head out of the picture. It had been the only time he had ever seen his real father.

 

He sighed wondering if it really was his fault. He always felt like he needed to impress his parents and every time he tried it seemed like they were more disappointed. His mom always seemed to see the flaws in whatever he was doing. Maybe it was really fault for coming along. Maybe his mom would have been happier if he never existed. 

 

Still holding the picture he crawled into his bed. He started to try and imagine what kind of person his real father was. Was he nice? Did he like drawing like he does? His eyelids grew heavy as he thought and finally slept with the picture in hand.

 

The house was quiet as daniel sat at his desk and started to draw. It was still early in the morning and his stomach rumbled for food. He wasn’t sure if his parents were up yet, but he didn’t dare to try sneaking out to the kitchen for food. If he went out for food and they saw him they would know he was up and he would have to deal with his parents for the rest of the day. 

 

He was focused on getting an arm right and didn’t hear his dad come in. When his dad put a hand on his shoulder he jumped and accidentally drew a huge line through his picture. It almost felt like his heart dropped into his stomach. Looking up at his dad the feeling in his stomach grew worse. There was something about his half smile and how he was looking down to Daniel that made him feel like he was being judged. 

 

“What a...pretty drawing. Now, why don’t you do something actually productive and help pass out these flier.” His father said and put the fliers right over his drawing. “I expect all of these to be gone by the time we start church.”

 

Daniel frowned and moved the fliers to the side of the desk. “There's no way I’ll be able to get enough people to take them by then! Can’t I just do them tomor-” His blood ran cold as he felt his dad's hand on his shoulder grip tighter. It didn’t hurt, but it was definitely a warning.

 

“It would be such a shame to have something happen to your precious drawing journal wouldn’t it? Now- be a good boy and hand out fliers.” His half smile now turned into a scornful glance and his grip grew tighter to the point his nails started to dig in. 

 

Daniel winced when he felt his father's grip tighten. Once he finally let go Daniel grabbed the fliers. His father grabbed for his journal but before he could Daniel dropped the fliers making them scatter on the floor and grabbed the other end. “You can’t take it!” 

 

He pulled back hoping to get his father to let go. His father was too strong and easily took the journal from him. All of a sudden he felt his large hand fly across his cheek with a loud audible clap. The force of the hit made Daniel tumble backwards and made the chair fall with a loud crash as it clattered to the floor. Pain bloomed and spread in his cheek. Tears welled up as he cupped the burning area carefully. With blurry eyes he looked up to his dad who was now towering above him. He scooted backwards but was soon stopped by his dresser. 

 

“You’re under my roof and you will not disrespect me!” Grabbing a fistful of fliers his father threw them at Daniel. “Pick these up this instant!”

 

Daniel could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he quickly got on all fours and tried his best to pick up the now scattered fliers. His vision was blurred with fresh tears and he could feel his hands trembling. His cheek was starting to puff up from the hit. He didn’t dare looking back up at his father. 

 

When he finally gathered all of the fliers he hugged them to his chest and kept his head down as he walked out of his room. He wiped his tears with his arm and quickly got out of the house to hand out the fliers. 

 

Before he could get to the door his mom stopped him. “What happened to your cheek?”

 

Daniel wiped his tears again and quickly looked around making sure his father wouldn’t hear him just in cause. “D-dad hit me.”

 

His mom crossed her arms and scowled. “Daniel he wouldn't do that! How dare you lie to me like that!”

 

The anxiety that was just starting to settle grew much worse when he heard his mom's sudden change in volume. He took a step back and felt more tears starting to roll down his cheeks. “But-!”

 

“Don’t you dare say another word! All you ever do is draw or stay in your room anymore. Now you're lying? I hope you like getting your drawing journal taken away. Maybe then you won't be saying such terrible things about your father. He does so many nice things for us that you just don’t appreciate enough. When you get back your going to tell him exactly what you told me and why.”

“Pleas-!” Daniel squeaked out terrified to face his father again. His stomach knotted up at just the idea of having to face him again after everything.  Just thinking about the vague possibility of being slapped again made him feel like he couldn’t breath. 

 

“Don’t say another word Daniel! Now dry your face and go do what your father asked.” 

 

Quickly nodding Daniel desperately tried to dry his face and stop crying. He gripped the fliers tighter as he left and kept his head down as he walked. It was all normal to Daniel. After all it was all he knew. 

  
  
  


By the time Daniel had gotten back from passing out fliers it was just about time to start church. Right when he was about to open the church doors he heard people arguing. Puzzled he opened the doors when he saw his Aunt and father arguing. 

 

Daniel walked over to his cousin who was nearby and hoped he knew what was going on. “What’s with the yelling? Is something going on?”

 

“M-my moms not to happy with the church. She's been really upset for a while now actually. I’ve been doing a lot with the church for a few years now and I guess she didn’t really like that...She’s also never really believed in this stuff either.This might be the last time I get to see you for a while.” His cousin said now seeming quiet solemn. 

 

Daniel felt his heart drop. His cousin and him weren’t necessarily the closest, but he was one of the only kids in the church. There was still a 5 year gap between them, but it was still nice to talk to him and hang around. 

 

Just as he was going to say something the argument between his aunt and his dad was getting more intense. They started yelling and the other church goers around them were trying to get them to calm  down. 

 

“You know I was the only one in the family that supported my sister being with you! Despite everything I thought you were a good man, but now I know you're just a sick bastard! Your fucking brainwashing everyone around here! What your doing is fucking wrong! Do you all hear that?! He’s brainwashing you!” His aunt was now screaming and trying to shake off the people who were trying to get her out of the church. She flailed about as she tried to get closer to Daniel's dad, but was finally able to get thrown out.

 

Daniel's cousin gave him one last wave before soon following his mom out of the church.

 

The church was now eerily quiet after what happened. An awkward tension filled the room and made Daniel feel uncomfortable. After a moment his dad motioned for everyone to sit and continue like nothing happened.

 

The whole time he couldn’t help but wondering if what his aunt said was right. He never really knew anything outside the church and his parents so still wasn’t sure of what to make of things. What if everything about ascension and the light was wrong? But if that wasn’t true then what happened when you died? Daniel shifted uncomfortably feeling wrong for questioning everything. He shouldn’t be thinking like this. 

  
  
  
  
  


After everyone had left the church Daniel stayed behind to help the preacher with whatever tasks needed to be done or help straighten things out. Most of the time the preacher would tell him stories, but there was nothing but silence in the room. 

 

Finally the preacher spoke up and looked right at Daniel. “Do you believe in what we are preaching?”

 

When he heard his question he stopped what he was doing and looked up. Why would he be asking if he believed? It seemed like such a stupid obvious question to him. “Yeah of cou-”

 

“You’re a liar.” The preacher said louder than before. “Tell me- In a argument what matters more? Being right or how a person feels?”

 

Daniel shifted uncomfortably feeling like it would be a trick question. “Feelings. Feelings beat facts. That’s what we always say.”

 

“Right. So tell me about the people who value facts more or think to much when it comes to the light?” 

 

“They don’t feel safe. People who think too much or question things too much don’t know the light like we do and won’t ascend. They burn when they die because they don’t know the light or aren’t good enough for it.’ Daniel said hoping he was saying everything right. They had made them repeat this basic information every time at the church, but all of a sudden he felt like he was getting something wrong. He couldn’t help but worry about what the preacher was getting at.

 

“You were such a good boy Daniel. What went wrong?” The preacher turned his back to Daniel and looked at the front of the church. “I was talking to your father earlier. You're going to be the next one to lead us after he’s gone.”

 

“I- I’m what?!” Daniel said feeling a bolt of fear shoot through him. There was no way he could lead. He couldn’t handle having so many people depend on him. 

 

“Do you want to burn Daniel?”

 

Daniel’s fear worsened. Why would he burn? He knew the light right? Doubts mixed with his fear the more he thought. “N-No of course not! Why would I?” 

 

“Because you don’t truly believe. You think to much. You worry too much and you're a liar for saying you believe. You don’t feel safe despite knowing the light. Even your father doesn't feel like you can lead.” The preacher turned back around got closer to Daniel. His expression was now more grim than it was before.

 

Daniel could hear his heart beating faster. That wasn’t true was it? Was he really going to burn? But he did believe. He believed and he knew the light...right? His stomach knotted up more as he worried. He was lying. He didn’t feel safe. No matter what he felt paranoid about his parents and worried about what they were thinking. He wasn’t good enough for the light and he was going to burn and rot. 

 

“Go. I don’t need someone like you here.” The preacher said turning his back on him once again.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Everything was finally quiet in the house. Daniel laid in his bed and looked at the ceiling. Thoughts from the past few days were almost suffocating him. He couldn’t help but replay the memory of his father hitting him in his mind. Reaching up he gently touched his cheek where he was hit. Tears started to pour as he thought about his looming and icy gaze. It felt like he was being smothered and couldn't breath by just the thought of it alone.

 

He hated his father. He hated his mother too. Just being around them made him feel so... _ Wrong. _ Everything about the two of them felt suffocating. Neither one of them seemed like they really cared about him either. He was just there.

Daniel tried to stifle his sobbing but more emotions flooded over him. Everything turned into a blur and his thoughts started screaming at him. He could feel himself shaking as he tried to keep quiet, not daring to wake his parents. The painful feeling of being utterly alone filled the room along with his heavy sobbing. 

 

Nothing felt right.  _ He  _ didn’t feel right. Everything about him was  _ wrong.  _ He was suppose to want to ascend but the thought of being stuck with his parents made him sick.  Hating His parents was wrong. Not wanting to ascend was wrong. Why couldn’t something feel right for once?Why did he have to worry? Why did he have to always feel so scared?

 

His arms hugged his middle as he tried to get himself to come down. Squeezing his eyes shut he tried to take deep breath, but they ended up in loud, noisy coughs. Despite his efforts he couldn’t stop trembling and crying. The second he thought he heard someone he managed to quiet himself. He covered his mouth and nose with both his hands not caring about getting salty tears and snot all over them. Holding his breath he desperately hoped no one had heard his pitiful display. 

 

A few seconds felt like hours, but the coast was finally clear. Wiping his tears with his arms he grabbed the tin from under his bed. He fumbled with the lid before finally getting it off. Taking fists full of pictures he started ripping them. More tears started streaming down his face but he no longer cared. He ripped one after another and threw them in random directions. 

 

After getting threw them all Daniel got up and kicked the tin making it slide across his floor and clatter into his dresser. A bit of pain shot through his foot making him whimper. At this point he didn’t care about the noise. He didn’t care who saw him. All he wanted was for things to go away. 

 

There was one thing he knew for certain and that he was going to burn. He was going to burn and rot. He wasn’t going to ascend with his parents- or anyone. He was going to burn alone with no one to hear him, but anything was better than being with them. 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
